Happy New Year!
This was my most alive/intentional year of living yet, if that makes any sense. I tried not to shirk from adventure or challenges. I got tired of trying to make people like me and just settled more into being, writing, and speaking as myself. I dove in and felt it all baby- immense joy and deep sorrow. I laughed a lot and screamed and loved and cried in public sometimes. I hurt a lot this year tbh. I made some decisions that were hard to make, I trusted my intuition completely and all sorts of adventures & loves & disasters came from that. So this year I don't have the regrets that I usually wrestle with. I am hopeful for this new year. I am going to try to do it again; a year of living intentionally and being present and listening to my glorious weirdo female intuition.
I worked hard this year- I got sick of my usual excuses. I gave myself a good kick in the bum and was like: "Okay, stop fearing that your dreams might not come true and go do something about it or you will be a very sad human full of regrets someday. I played music every day even when I felt afraid of it, picked up my guitar more, learned to be assertive in meetings, asked for what I want for my music career, connected with other artists who formed a community that is so beautiful, wrote more honestly, other such things.
I did a lot of things for the first time this year:
- I released my first EP & single! I played a sold-out show with friends to release it in Toronto; that was a great step for me. I'm done with hoarding my demos and ready to keep making and sharing things.
- Made my first two music videos wahooo
- Heard my songs on the radio for the first time (and in 3 different countries!)
- I played live with a band and ventured away from just doing my solo sets. And I was lucky- I got to play with amazing players who made me think about rhythm and audience and melody in new ways. (Shoutout to Don, Kevin, Jahmal, Joseph, many more).
I have a concussion right now (This is part of my allotted minutes of screentime- after this I will watch five minutes of Gilmore Girls or something and then it’s back to audio books and writing songs quietly). I'm recovering quickly and am totally okay so this is not about that; but rather that as a beautiful result, my week has been really meditative. It's been good for me to be forced to lie still and breathe, to be in the dark and make plans and try out ideas. I find it hard to stop and take time just to exist. This is a good reminder that I need more of this in my life; as an artist, but also just so I can be more in touch with my whole self, love people better and remember what regular breathing feels like.
What about you? I hope you are finding renewal and healing. I hope your New Year's hangover isn't too bad. I hope you are stopping to breathe and reflect and to be thankful for everything this year was and wasn't. I hope if it wasn’t, you’ll try again and make things happen the way you wish them to.
Thank you for supporting me and my music. I'm going to work my ass off this year and write from the depths of my soul so watch ouuuutttt!!!!